I know that as I’m writing this you’re sitting right next to me calling everyone pussy because we’re crying. I know that you’re making one of your silly or pedo faces just to see someone crack a smile. I know you’re there trying to twerk or fixing your septum. I know you’re there ranting about how some girls in our school annoy the shit out of you. Our friendship was so unique, and if I do say so myself, something that everyone wished they had. Through all the arguments, we ALWAYS managed to shrugged them off and later make fun of how stupid we were for arguing in the first place. It’s only been a day and everyone misses you already. All of us are still in shock. No one ever expected to happen to you, Zuleimi. You were going so far in life You were going to succeed. Though you never admit it, I think you were finally happy with how your life was turning out. Everyone loved you. You made so many people smile everyday without even trying. Comedy came natural to you. I had so much faith in you becoming the actress you wanted to be. You were going to become so successful and prove all of the people who brought you down completely wrong. I don’t think I can even process the idea of starting senior year without you. Remember how we would always talking about going down the hill on Ring Day singing “We Will Survive” like the gay barbarians in Meet The Spartan? Or how we were gonna kill those auditions for In The Heights? Or how our senior prank was going to be the Harlem Shake with horse mask on? We were gonna fuck senior year up. yas. Zuleimi, words cannot describe how much I miss you right now. I’m not ready to admit to myself that you can actually be gone forever. We had so many plans for the future together. We knew that no matter what we would stay in contact and make sure that each of our first child had something to do with one another in their names. I’m still waiting for you to slap me just to wake me up. Just to see or hear your voice one more time would mean the world right now. You’re my best friend. My sister. Heck, you were my husband/wife. I cared for you so much. It’s going to be so weird and extremely hard going to school and not having you sit behind or next to me. No one will ever take your place, Zuleimi. Ever. I hope you know that. I hope you know that you were capable of doing whatever you set your mind to. I hope you know how everyone adored you. I hope you know you were a beautiful person inside and out. I hope you know how much I loved you and how I would do absolutely anything to have you back in this world. This world needs you. I need you. You were one of those people who just lightened the room whenever you walked in. Where ever you ever, you know everyone was laughing and smiling. Right now, as I’m typing this, so many people are writing “RI.P. Zuly” as their status. But I just can’t come to terms with that. I dont want to believe that you’re actually gone. I still believe that you’re right here. I can go on and on about everyone’s disbelief, but now I realize, I didn’t lose my bestfriend. We all gained an angel.
Zuly, I know you’re here watching over all of us. I know you’re sitting next to me. I know you’re watching over Akilah right now. She needs you the most. Keep her strong. You’ll never be forgotten. Continue to have the tea party with Micheal Jackson and creepin’ on Morgan Freeman. I love you so much, baby. Sleep in paradise.
p.s Mami made tacos today. I ate one just for you.
I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was… And I think that’s why she struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed.
today’s going to be the first full day without you. this is so much harder than I can ever imagine it. we’re still waiting to wake up and hoping this is just a really bad dream. but I know, in a sense, you’re still here. we all gained a guardian angel yesterday. I love you Stitch. Sleep in peace.